There’s no other way to stop being codependent on your children than by examining your own emotional needs. Very often, a codependent parent is struggling with their own emotional attachment. This makes it difficult to let go of a relationship that has come to mean everything to the parent. It’s very hard to let go of that unconditional love that a child has for their parent when there isn’t a solid sense of emotional attachment elsewhere for the parent.
Single parents, especially, can struggle to let their child separate, particularly if they have a close relationship with their child. Here are some things you can do to make it easier to stop being codependent with your child as they grow
- Concentrate on the relationship with your partner. As your children become teenagers, allow them to gradually start making their own decisions – whether you like those decisions or not – while you focus on what you need in your life, particularly from your partner.
- Spend more time with friends. Expanding your connection to your own friends can be very rewarding, and will give you other sources of love, distraction and joy.
- Try to find joy in watching your child become who he or she really is. Whilst we all have dreams for our children, often the most fun comes from seeing which directions they choose for themselves. Learning about what our children are interested in can open up a whole new world of interests for us.
- Try to avoid fixing their problems. Instead – when they come to you with a dilemma – ask them what they think they should do about it and encourage them to try out solutions. You will give them the confidence to think for themselves, and you’ll be there in the background if they really need you to help pick up the pieces.