Internal Family Systems Therapy (IFS)

You might already recognise that you have different parts of yourself. One part knows exactly what you should do, while another seems determined to do the opposite. You might have a part that keeps everything under control, another that worries about what everyone else thinks, and another that would really quite like everyone to leave you alone.

Internal Family Systems (IFS) therapy gives us a way of understanding why those parts behave as they do, rather than trying to silence, fix or get rid of them. Often, the things that frustrate you most about yourself developed for very good reasons. Once we understand what they’re trying to do for you, they don’t have to work quite so hard, and you can relax and trust yourself more.

I offer IFS therapy face-to-face in St Albans, Hertfordshire and online across the UK. It can be particularly helpful if you’re struggling with anxiety, trauma, attachment and relationship difficulties, grief, chronic pain or long-term illness, or if you simply feel stuck in patterns you understand intellectually but can’t seem to change.

How will IFS therapy help you?

Internal Family Systems therapy works on the understanding that each of us is an ecosystem of parts, all designed to help us in our lives. These parts have developed in us in response to our experiences in life, many of which happened before we can remember, or were gifted to us by our families, teachers or culture.

Parts can be experienced in lots of different ways. You may have a part that drives you to work hard, a voice that tells you to put other people before yourself, or an urge that takes over and offers you sugar or alcohol when you’re feeling stressed. 

There are no bad parts

Crucially, IFS takes the view that there are no bad parts. All of them – no matter how much you dislike them – are there to do a job for you; they’re just a bit blinkered and can’t see how much they might be getting in the way of you living a happier life. IFS therapy will help you and your parts get to know each other so that they can work with you rather than overwhelming your system. 

Internal Family Systems therapy helps you get to know the different parts we all have within us and the roles they take on in order to help us cope, protect ourselves and get through life.

Some parts are focused on keeping things organised, controlled or manageable day to day. In IFS, these are often called managers. They may show up through overthinking, perfectionism, people-pleasing, staying busy or trying to avoid vulnerability.

Other parts carry emotional pain, fear, shame, grief, anger or loneliness, often connected to earlier experiences in your life. These more vulnerable parts are known as exiles, because they are often pushed out of awareness or kept hidden by managers.

Then there are parts that react quickly if ever those feelings start to surface. In IFS these are called firefighters. They step in to reduce emotional overwhelm as quickly as possible by distracting from the pain or vulnerability. Often this takes the form of shutting down, withdrawing, scrolling on a phone, drinking alcohol, comfort eating, anger, or other ways of escaping or numbing difficult feelings.

In therapy, we will work gently and gradually to understand these different parts and the roles they’ve taken on. Rather than trying to get rid of them, we’ll get curious about what they’re trying to protect and what they might need before they feel safe enough to step back.

Over time, people often notice they are able to relate to themselves differently, with more curiosity, calm, compassion, clarity and confidence, even when difficult feelings are present.

We won’t force our way past parts of you that aren’t ready to change yet. In fact, in IFS we’d be interested in why they’re saying no. We’ll work at a pace that feels manageable, rather than assuming that revisiting painful experiences is always the way forward.

I offer face-to-face Internal Family Systems therapy in Hertfordshire, and online IFS therapy for adults and older teenagers seeking support with anxiety, trauma, self-esteem, relationship difficulties, bereavement and emotional overwhelm. I also work extensively with clients facing long-term illness or chronic pain.

What issues can IFS therapy help with?

IFS can be useful for almost anything that leaves you wondering, “Why do I keep doing this when I know it isn’t helping?”

That might be anxiety, low self-esteem, relationship difficulties, grief, stress or feeling emotionally overwhelmed. You might be living with chronic pain or illness, struggling with the effects of earlier life experiences, or trying to understand aspects of your identity. Or perhaps there isn’t an obvious label for what’s wrong. You just know that some of your reactions feel bigger, stronger or harder to control than you’d like them to.

IFS helps us get underneath those reactions and understand what they’re trying to do for you. Then you can work out what’s needed for them to relax their grip and give you more agency. 

How does IFS therapy help with pain?

Living with chronic pain can affect every part of your life, and it’s common to develop parts that become frightened of the pain, angry with your body, exhausted by trying to manage it, or constantly alert to signs that it might be getting worse.

Working with parts in IFS therapy can help you develop a different relationship with pain. Emotional pain that hasn’t been given expression can often show up as physical pain; for example, sadness that hasn’t been expressed or processed might manifest as physical pain eventually.

Rather than seeing pain as something to push through or ignore, we can explore the different responses and protective patterns that may exist around it, such as fear, frustration, denial, shutting down or self-criticism.

For some people, pain is connected with stress, trauma, overwhelm or long periods of feeling unsafe. IFS therapy creates space to understand distressing experiences more fully and with greater compassion. While therapy is not a replacement for medical treatment, many people find that understanding their internal world can reduce both the emotional burden that pain carries and and the physical pain they experience.

Is IFS therapy good for trauma?

IFS is widely used as a trauma-informed approach because it works carefully and respectfully with protective coping mechanisms rather than trying to ignore them or forcing yourself to push past them. Many people find it helpful for understanding the impact of past experiences without feeling overwhelmed by them.

Do I need to know about ‘parts’ before starting IFS therapy?

No. You do not need any prior knowledge of IFS for therapy to be helpful. Most people already recognise different sides of themselves, for example, a part that worries, a part that avoids conflict, or a part that becomes self-critical. Therapy simply gives us a way to explore these experiences more clearly.

Are ‘parts’ in IFS therapy the same as multiple personalities or DID?

No. In IFS therapy, ‘parts’ refers to the different emotional states, reactions, thoughts and coping patterns that all people experience to some degree. For example, you might notice a part of you that wants connection and another that pulls away, or a part that feels confident in one situation and anxious in another.

This is different from Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID), which is a specific and complex mental health condition involving much stronger forms of dissociation and separation between identity states.

IFS uses the language of parts as a way of understanding inner experience with more curiosity and compassion, rather than seeing thoughts, emotions or coping strategies as something to fight against.

Can IFS therapy help with DID or BPD?

For people living with Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID) or Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD), IFS therapy can help precisely because it approaches protective coping strategies with curiosity rather than judgement.

Many people with DID or BPD have experienced significant emotional pain, trauma, attachment difficulties, or environments where they did not feel safe or understood. IFS aims to work carefully with the different protective responses that developed as a result, helping people build greater internal understanding, stability and self-compassion over time.

That said, IFS needs to be adapted thoughtfully when working with more complex trauma or dissociation. Therapy should move at a pace that feels safe and manageable, with a strong focus on stability, trust, and emotional safety.

IFS is not about forcing change or getting rid of parts of yourself. The aim is to help different parts feel heard, understood, and less alone, so that life can feel less overwhelming and more connected over time.

Does IFS really work?

Yes, it is recognised as an evidence-based practice by several psychological organisations (including the BACP and Counselling Directory), with research showing it helps reduce symptoms of trauma, physical pain and general well-being.

Many people find IFS therapy helpful because it offers a practical and compassionate way of understanding why they think, feel or react the way they do. Rather than focusing only on symptoms or behaviours, IFS looks at the underlying protective patterns and emotional experiences driving them.

Research into IFS is growing, particularly in areas such as trauma, anxiety, depression, chronic pain and emotional wellbeing. Many people describe feeling more self-aware, less overwhelmed by their emotions, and more able to respond to themselves with understanding rather than criticism.

Like any therapy, it is not a quick fix, and different approaches suit different people. A large part of successful therapy is finding a therapist and way of working that feels safe, collaborative, and like a good fit for you.

How long does it take? 

There is no set timeline for IFS therapy. Some people come with a specific issue they would like support with and find a shorter period of therapy helpful, while others choose to work more deeply over a longer period of time.

The pace of IFS therapy is usually guided by your needs, your goals, and how safe it feels to explore different parts of your experience. Some changes can happen quite quickly, particularly around self-awareness and understanding patterns, while deeper healing may take more time.

Therapy is not about forcing progress or pushing into difficult experiences before you are ready. The focus is on building trust, emotional safety, and a steadier relationship with yourself over time.

Can IFS therapy be done online?

Yes. I offer online IFS therapy for adults across the UK. Many of my clients have found online therapy more comfortable, and an effective way to engage in this work – particularly when exploring difficult emotions like anxiety, or those which stem from trauma or chronic stress – in the comfort of their own home.