I’m a cynic when it comes to journalling. My friends, my therapist, and the internet have all repeatedly suggested I try journalling. But if you’re not a fan of journalling, it can get a tad repetitive to be told you should try journalling if you don’t really want to. Worse, it can make you feel guilty for not doing something you should* to help yourself feel better.
However, I recently started journalling and I want to tell you how much I’ve got from it, because I think it might help you even if you just don’t see the point.
*I try to avoid the word ‘should’; it’s an inner critic that uses this kind of language, to guilt us into doing things we don’t want to do. Wherever you can, replace ‘should’ with ‘could’ or even ‘want to’. It’s a good reminder to ourselves that everything is a choice, and nothing is obligatory – we are no longer 5 years old, and we can make choices for ourselves.
You don’t like the idea of journalling – I get it
I never wanted to journal, because:
- People told me I should, and I have a bit of natural demand avoidance that makes me want to refuse anything that someone else tells me to do. (It comes from my childhood – obviously – and a controlling parent who never took no for an answer).
- I don’t have enough time. I’m already busy running a family, making a living, staying on top of household tasks and managing my own stuff. When I get downtime, I want to rest. I do not want to spend it writing about what bothers me.
- I didn’t see the point. Honestly, I have enough of that stuff going round in my head – I can see it pretty clearly – without the need to write it down in black and white. What can that possibly do for me that some quiet reflection can’t?
Add to this the common and understandable fears of surfacing something that doesn’t need to be surfaced (there’s no such thing, by the way). The perceived risk of going ‘looking for trouble’ instead of leaving well alone. (Again, that’s not a thing. If there’s a risk of finding pain, that’s because pain is there. No matter how good you are at avoiding it, it’s always better not to).
Why it’s worth giving journalling a go
But then I tried it. A new therapist asked me to start journalling as an experiment, as part of my therapy. She wanted to talk about what I’d written during the week, and what had come up for me. She asked me to write down my dreams, but also my thoughts every morning. And because I wanted to give this therapy my best shot, I started journalling. Not every day, but most mornings while I drink my first coffee. Here’s what I found:
Journalling helps shift difficult emotions
Lo and behold, against all my expectations, I started learning more about myself. I think I’m pretty aware of my own processes. I’ve had years of therapy and three years of training on a very experiential counselling course. I’m trained to notice my own process when it comes up in my client work, and to explore it with my supervisor to make sure I don’t let my own stuff get in the way of my client’s experience. But this simple practice of dumping whatever is in my brain into a notebook brings me even more clarity on the things that are happening in my life. Often – and by often, I mean several times a week – I have a lightbulb moment. Even on the mornings when I think I’ve got nothing to say, there’s usually something in there that I need to know.
Writing down my thoughts helps me get them out of my head and my body, where they can sometimes become stuck. Stuck thoughts can contribute to all sorts of emotional difficulties. In my case, it’s chronic pain. As an individual with fibromyalgia, emotional pain stuck in my body turns into physical pain if I’m not careful. By writing down my concerns, I process emotions out of my body, which reduces my physical pain.
Writing down your thoughts provides clarity
Putting my thoughts and feelings onto paper also allows me to see them as something separate from me. That helps me take an objective view of my situation and spot opportunities to support myself better. Sometimes it’s hard to see the wood for the trees, and our thoughts and feelings get pushed aside as we get on with busy lives. It’s easy to rush through the days, putting off a problem or a decision that needs to be made. Eventually, we can get bogged down without even realising it until something happens to upset us.
By taking a few minutes to write down what’s on our minds, we’re paying attention to ourselves – letting the body know that we matter. And it’s likely that we’ll sort out a few problems in the process. Even if we think of it as housekeeping, journalling serves the purpose of getting things off our minds – literally!
How to journal effectively
Really, the answer to this question is – just do it. It honestly doesn’t matter how. Whether you pick a nice notebook and hand write, type it into a document on your computer or phone, or scribble notes on scraps of paper in the kitchen – it all counts. The important bit is that you don’t overthink it. Even when you think you’ve got nothing of significance on your mind, start writing. Even if it feels boring as you write it down, keep writing. Even if you only manage a few lines. The chances are, tomorrow you will write till your hand aches. You never know what’s coming with journalling. And that’s the magic.
But I’m not a good writer
It doesn’t matter if you don’t think of yourself as a writer. If you weren’t good at writing in school, or people criticise you for your handwriting, it’s not important, because nobody is going to read it. Probably not even you. It’s not what you write, or how you write it that counts – it’s the act of writing.
Don’t critique your work
As a former copywriter, I’ve had to relearn how to write in order to get the most out of journalling. The very worst thing you can do is think too hard about what you want to write. Don’t try to make it readable, don’t use your best handwriting, don’t worry about spelling mistakes, and do not – whatever you do – try to find the perfect word to make your writing really sing. In fact, do the opposite of what they taught you in school. A therapist once told me to sit on one hand while I wrote in my journal; she said that this hand was the editor of my work, and I wasn’t allowed to use it. Strange as it sounded, it really worked and I wrote a creative piece that I still go back to in therapy today.
Don’t think – just write
There are days when I don’t think I have anything on my mind. That it will be hard to come up with anything to put into my notepad. I write anyway. Sometimes I only get a couple of lines before I lose concentration and stop; others, I end up writing quite a lot. Then there are days when I just don’t feel like writing – so I don’t. Whatever you do, don’t turn journalling into another stick to beat yourself with. There are far too many rules for life – brush your teeth for two minutes; just 10 minutes of yoga will make you fit; eat your five a day; 30 minutes of exercise five times a week. And so on. It’s exhausting just keeping up with all the advice, so don’t try. Just give journalling a go; if you find you like it, keep doing it. Simple.
Pay attention to your body
While you’re writing, try not to squash any emotions that come up. There have been many mornings when I didn’t think I had much to say, and I’ve ended up crying into my coffee after five minutes of journalling. That’s okay. It doesn’t feel nice, I know, but it’s always cathartic. And once the tears have stopped, I can usually see things a bit more clearly; I am sometimes able to make a decision that’s been nagging at me; I usually notice a reduction in pain levels later that day. Crying, anger, fear – they’re not bad things; and allowing them to move through my body and discharge always feels better than having them weigh me down.
So, if you’re a journalling sceptic, I invite you to give a try. You never know – you might surprise yourself!
