This can be a tough one, depending on your relationship with your parents. Ideally, your parent will have been able to acknowledge that you’re growing up and need to find your own solutions, but it can be hard for parents to know when to make that shift. You can help them by giving them the reassurance that you are ready to make your own decisions.
- Be firm when they try to tell you what to do. The reason they’re trying to fix your problems is probably because they’re scared. They’ve spent your whole life having to keep you safe, so it can be difficult to notice when that’s no longer needed. Let them know that you’re confident you have the answers, and reassure them when they ask you to let them in on what your plans are. Phrases like “I know you’re worried, but I promise you I’ve got this. Here’s what I’m going to do.” will make them feel more able to back off.
- Tell them you know they’ve got your back, and that you’ll definitely ask them for help when you feel you need it, but that – for now – you’d like to try things your way. Check in with them regularly to let them know how you’re doing. Parents usually just want to know that you’re happy and coping. If you’re not, tell them this, but let them know what you’re doing to fix it.
- If necessary, limit what you tell them. If your parent is prone to pestering you about everything in your life, you may have to keep some things to yourself until they get used to not being so in the know. Be aware though, that the less you tell them, the more they will want to know, so be honest about why you feel the need to distance from them. Let them tell you how that feels, and see if you can find a compromise that means they will understand your need for a private life, and you’re able to share a few things that make them feel involved.
- If your parent persists in being intrusive in your life, be clear about what you’re prepared to share and what is private to you, and be consistent in your actions after that. If your parent is adamant you must call them when you’re home, but that’s unacceptable to you, tell them that, and then don’t be drawn into discussion about it when they try to push your buttons.